everything’s so funny when u use the wrong measurement:
- 5 gallons of homework
- mouthful of lint
- 20 degrees of facial oil
- 7 pints of china
- handful of fergi
- 60 mph of dad
call the police
Being an adult is realizing that $5,000 is a lot of money to owe and very little money to own.
this is real
important. watch how you talk about the violence in chicago; understand where it really stems from. if you are blaming communities, get the fuck outta here.
what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?
one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails
Femme Fatale - The Velvet Underground 
i take my hedgehog grocery shopping and nobody tells me to stop
Benjamin Franklin (via metalhearted)